We had dinner last evening with a precious young couple from our church family. As we shared the meal, we discussed various issues related to marital life, the Christian faith, and in particular the sanctifying work of God in our lives as we relate to one another. During our conversation, the question of honor came up. In particular, “How does a wife honor (or dishonor) her husband?” I was challenged and encouraged by what was shared. I went away thinking how might we all be more encouraged to honor our wives and husbands. I pray the young couple were as encouraged as we were. In fact, here are a few biblical and practical principles to consider when thinking about honoring the one you love:

1. Honor Your Spouse with Your Words. The tongue is a powerful instrument (James 3:2-12), and can do a world of good or destruction (Prov. 18:21). It is a key vessel by which we honor and dishonor one another. When in public don’t talk down to your spouse or speak negatively about him or her. Men, God has given you a wife and expects you to protect and provide for her (1Tim. 5:8; 1Pet. 3:7). Protect her integrity by speaking pleasantly to her and about her in public. Provide for her social well-being by commending her to others. Ladies, what others think of your husband is often related to what you think or say about him. Be careful that your lips do not dishonor him, but that with your words and your actions you demonstrate yourself to be a fitting and honorable jewel in his crown of glory (1Cor. 11:7).

2. Honor Your Spouse with Your Appearance. Do your best to look your best. Ladies, when others see you looking well and attractive, they think well of your husband. You honor his judgment in choosing you as a wife (Prov. 18:22) and give him the joy and pleasure of looking upon his wife with eyes of desire and delight (Song 1:8-19; 7:1-9). Gentlemen, a well groomed and dressed man speaks volumes about his wife. Being sloppy and/or indifferent gives the impression that your wife is indifferent. If you think she is, you should ask her why. I am confident that you will find out that she really is not but have found your attitude toward such things to be practically a lost cause and thus hopes to win you by example (1Pet. 3:1-6). Therefore, if your wife is taking a little longer in the bathroom, it may be a reminder that maybe you should take some more time in there as well.

3. Honor Your Spouse with Your Passions. I can not overstate the importance that a healthy sex life plays in honoring your spouse. Ladies, remember making your self look attractive is only part of the calling, you must also demonstrate that you want and welcome his intimate approaches (Song 4:16-5:1-8). Socks and flannel gowns are not very welcoming . Gentleman, please do yourself a favor and make sure your wife feels as good as you want her to look. For men sex can be a selfish adventure. You honor your wife by communicating and making sure you know what she enjoys and how you can please her. Seek to please your wife even as you desire pleasure (Eph. 5:28-29). Approaching her with passion and desire reminds her that she is still the only one you want (Prov. 5:15-19).

4. Honor Your Spouse with Your Worship. Ultimately we are called to worship God with everything we have (Matt. 22:37-38; Col. 3:23). This commandment to glorify God extends to our marriages as well. The best way for me to honor my wife is to make sure that I am pursuing God in all areas of my life. My wife honors me most when she is seeking to honor God. Honestly, marriage is just another matrix through which God is demonstrating our need for Him and is growing us up in Christ. The closer you get to Christ the more you will love and delight in your spouse. In Christ, love abounds. Grace abounds. Patience abounds. Forgiveness abounds. Intimacy abounds as I grow closer to the One who has loved me with grace, patience, and forgiveness in such intimate ways.

Honor goes along ways is building healthy marriages. Try it and see if God will not honor you.