We had dinner last evening with a precious young couple from our church family. As we shared the meal, we discussed various issues related to marital life, the Christian faith, and in particular the sanctifying work of God in our lives as we relate to one another. During our conversation, the question of honor came up. In particular, “How does a wife honor (or dishonor) her husband?” I was challenged and encouraged by what was shared. I went away thinking how might we all be more encouraged to honor our wives and husbands. I pray the young couple were as encouraged as we were. In fact, here are a few biblical and practical principles to consider when thinking about honoring the one you love:

1. Honor Your Spouse with Your Words. The tongue is a powerful instrument (James 3:2-12), and can do a world of good or destruction (Prov. 18:21). It is a key vessel by which we honor and dishonor one another. When in public don’t talk down to your spouse or speak negatively about him or her. Men, God has given you a wife and expects you to protect and provide for her (1Tim. 5:8; 1Pet. 3:7). Protect her integrity by speaking pleasantly to her and about her in public. Provide for her social well-being by commending her to others. Ladies, what others think of your husband is often related to what you think or say about him. Be careful that your lips do not dishonor him, but that with your words and your actions you demonstrate yourself to be a fitting and honorable jewel in his crown of glory (1Cor. 11:7).

2. Honor Your Spouse with Your Appearance. Do your best to look your best. Ladies, when others see you looking well and attractive, they think well of your husband. You honor his judgment in choosing you as a wife (Prov. 18:22) and give him the joy and pleasure of looking upon his wife with eyes of desire and delight (Song 1:8-19; 7:1-9). Gentlemen, a well groomed and dressed man speaks volumes about his wife. Being sloppy and/or indifferent gives the impression that your wife is indifferent. If you think she is, you should ask her why. I am confident that you will find out that she really is not but have found your attitude toward such things to be practically a lost cause and thus hopes to win you by example (1Pet. 3:1-6). Therefore, if your wife is taking a little longer in the bathroom, it may be a reminder that maybe you should take some more time in there as well.

3. Honor Your Spouse with Your Passions. I can not overstate the importance that a healthy sex life plays in honoring your spouse. Ladies, remember making your self look attractive is only part of the calling, you must also demonstrate that you want and welcome his intimate approaches (Song 4:16-5:1-8). Socks and flannel gowns are not very welcoming . Gentleman, please do yourself a favor and make sure your wife feels as good as you want her to look. For men sex can be a selfish adventure. You honor your wife by communicating and making sure you know what she enjoys and how you can please her. Seek to please your wife even as you desire pleasure (Eph. 5:28-29). Approaching her with passion and desire reminds her that she is still the only one you want (Prov. 5:15-19).

4. Honor Your Spouse with Your Worship. Ultimately we are called to worship God with everything we have (Matt. 22:37-38; Col. 3:23). This commandment to glorify God extends to our marriages as well. The best way for me to honor my wife is to make sure that I am pursuing God in all areas of my life. My wife honors me most when she is seeking to honor God. Honestly, marriage is just another matrix through which God is demonstrating our need for Him and is growing us up in Christ. The closer you get to Christ the more you will love and delight in your spouse. In Christ, love abounds. Grace abounds. Patience abounds. Forgiveness abounds. Intimacy abounds as I grow closer to the One who has loved me with grace, patience, and forgiveness in such intimate ways.

Honor goes along ways is building healthy marriages. Try it and see if God will not honor you.

As we once again come upon Thanksgiving, Christians should be the most thankful of all.  With the uncertainty of the economy and job loss at record highs, many are finding it difficult to be thankful this year.  Understanding that these are indeed trying times, God reminds his people that we are called to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1Thess. 5:18).  I found the following anecdote from Matthew Henry to be a challenging and encouraging example.   

Most of us are familiar with The Matthew Henry Commentary on the Whole on the Bible.  If you are not, you should be.  On day, Matthew Henry had the misfortune of being robbed by thieves. Afterward, he found four things for which he was thankful. That day he wrote these words in his diary: “Let me be thankful, first, because I was never robbed before; second, because although they took my purse, they did not take my life; third, because, although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed.”

There is always reason to give thanks!

People sometimes ask me what I like about Country music.  I am fond of saying that I love the way many country songs tell a story that captures the heart with poignant and yet whimsical truth.  Recently I came across one that I just can’t seem to shake from my mind and heart.  The singer is Brad Paisley and the name of the song is Waiting on a Woman.  It describes the feeling we men have often times as we are frustrated by having to wait on our wives as they take their time to get ready or to get finished.  It reminds me of how impatient I often am, not only with us being late, but just with me wanting to accomplish my agenda and not considering all that God is doing in my wife’s life.  I too am reminded just how beautiful my wife is and how much of a precious gift she is to me.  God has given her to me so that I might learn Christ, who is longsuffering and patient with me.  We are all familiar with the admonition:  “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church…” (Eph. 5:25).  No one can deny that Christ has been patient and longsuffering with his beloved.  Unfortunately, too often I have not been with mine.  Through this country song I am reminded and challenged to love my wife more and to see just how wonderful a gift God has given me.  I just need to be patient as God is slowly unwrapping it.  Then hopefully I won’t mind, as God takes his time and find myself Waiting on a Woman. 

If you were to ask a contractor who was building a house if they would rather spend more time on the foundation or on rest the of structure; it would be safe to say that they would be willing to spend as much time as needed on the foundation in order to assure a good build.  That sounds correct; we know that if the foundation of a building or house is faulty then no matter what you build on that foundation, it is sure to be in jeopardy.

I am learning that the same holds true for a church plant.  If the core team is not set right, if there is such a rush to build the structure that the foundation is compromised, then a faulty build is inevitable.  Setting a good foundation is not always an easy process.  Take for instance a foundation for a house; there may be digging involved, leveling of the ground and what about how long it takes for the concrete to set.  Seems like a lot of work for what is eventually going to be covered up.  I mean nobody notices a foundation;  you don’t see people driving through neighborhoods commenting on the foundations.  No; they are looking at the structure, the finished product, the fluff and the frills.  They often neglect the process involved and surely put no thought into the foundation.

At EPC we are currently in the foundation phase.  There is a lot of digging, setting and leveling going on.  To those on the outside looking in, it might not look like a lot is happening and it can appear slow going.  I am reminded however that good foundations take time.  If we desire to be part of a church that will last and build well, then we must trust God with the work He is doing.  What work is he doing?  Well, He is setting us on the foundation of the Gospel and I can think of no better surface on which to build.  Oh; and the wonderful thing about this foundation is that it does not go unoticed, it actually peremates the structure and will shine bright for all to see.

One of the great joys of being a part of East Point Church is watching the leadership develop.  Currently in our leadership training we seeking to better understand Paul’s words to Timothy:  “Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching.  Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers” (1Tim. 4:16).  Biblical leadership is found in both what we do and what we believe.  Both of these are important to God and thus need to have our careful and undivided attention.  Why?  Because others are watching and they are listening.  One thing is sure, if you have no one following, you are not a leader.  Thus to truly be a leader is to know that others are following.  When we persist and are careful to give attention to our life and our doctrine we not only set an example, but we also care for our own souls and the souls of those whom God has graciously put in our charge.   In this we rejoice to worship God and serve the beloved. 

As I have been reflecting on the the Word taught this past weekend (Phil. 2:14-18), I am rejoicing because I do believe we are really starting to get it.  I mean we are really starting to see and understand the difference the gospel makes.  We are not all the way there, but we are getting it.  If someone were to ask me how the church plant is going, today I would be inclined to say, “Well, the gospel is real and I think we are understanding it better.”  I would say, “Look at our people.  Watch them as they love the gospel and serve each other.  See Ruth as she opens her hom for gospel fellowship early on a Saturday morning.  Look at BJ as he worked to organize the logistics of the preview service.  See the men as they rise up extra early on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays so they can fellowship and encourage one another.  Watch Christy as she volunteers to teach the children and thus allow Adriane to sit in Bible Study.  See Sharon as she faithfully makes our deposits and keeps track of our giving.  Listen to Stephen as he enthusiastically makes sure we stay on vision.  Listen to Scott as he thanks God for our emphasis on the gospel for all of life.  Talk to our children as they rejoice to learn the catechisms from Kassidy and Adriane.  And the list could go on and on.

As a church plant, I find it easy to get busy and to work because there is so much that needs to be done.  And as we are fond of saying, “Somebody’s gotta do it.”  However, I would not want us to do anything simply because it needed to be done.  Nor would I hope our motivation would be to receive the praise and appreciation of people or to have our name mentioned in a blog post.  No.  I pray that our primary motive for service is the gospel.  I pray that our Lord’s service to us has made such an impact on our lives that we can not help but serve in hopes that others would see the gospel through us and desire to worship and serve Christ as well. 

I do believe we are getting it.  I hope to have my joy to overflowing as we continue to serve and get it more and more together.  As the Apostle Paul said to the Philippians, so I say to you, “I am glad and rejoice with you all.  Likewise, you also should be glad and rejoice with me” (Phil. 2:18).  Why?  Because by God’s grace we are getting it!

BLESSED LORD JESUS,
No human mind could conceive or invent the gospel.
Acting in eternal grace, thou art both its messenger and its message,
lived out on earth through infinite compassion,
applying thy life to insult, injury, death,
that I might be redeemed, ransomed, freed.

Blessed be thou, O Father, for contriving this way,
Eternal thanks to thee, O Lamb of God, for opening this way,
Praise everlasting to thee, O Holy Spirit, for applying this way to my heart.

Glorious Trinity, impress the gospel upon my soul,
until its virtue diffuses every faculty;
Let it be heard, acknowledged, professed, felt.

Teach me to secure this mighty blessing;
Help me to give up every darling lust,
to submit my heart and life to its command,
to have it in my will,
controlling my affections,
molding my understanding;
to adhere strictly to the rules of true religion,
not departing from them in any instance,
nor for any advantage in order to escape evil, inconvenience or danger.

Take me to the cross to seek glory from its infamy;
Strip me of every pleasing pretense of righteousness by my own doings.

O gracious redeemer,
I have neglected thee too long,
often crucified thee,
crucified thee afresh by my impenitence,
put thee to open shame.

I thank thee for the patience that has borne with me so long,
and for the grace that now makes me willing to be thine.
O unite me to thyself with inseparable bonds,
that nothing may ever draw me back from thee, my Lord,
my Savior.

- From The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers

This is what happens when you lose confidence in the gospel and its power not only to save, but change lives. Sex is good. Christ is better.

Being a church planter, I am frequently asked, “How are you doing?”  Knowing the stresses and challenges that face church planters, people genuinely care about the ministry to which I am called and want to know how well I am managing.  They sincerely desire to know about the well being of my family and how they can pray for us and encourage us.  Nevertheless, when answering the question, it is easy to simply say, “Oh, we are doing well.  Thanks for asking.” 

While this answer would be true, it really would not communicate what God is doing in and through us for His glory and the encouragement of His people.  Recently, the challenges I have been facing have caused me to reflect upon 2Cor. 12:1-10.  Here the Apostle Paul communicates his weakness and struggle in dealing with a stressful and even troublesome situation.  With that scripture in mind, when people ask “How are you doing?”  Lately, I am responding, “God is faithful in setting before me challenges for which I am not equipped?” 

Church planting demands more of you than I had anticipated.  It stretches you in ways that nothing else can.  It makes you cry out to God for wisdom and discernment in areas you had not before.  It gives you a greater sense of your inadequacy and makes you accutely aware of your lack of sufficiency for the task and calling God has before you.  It short, I am asking God for more help than I ever have.  And while it is not a comfortable place for me to be in (like any man I hate asking for directions) I am learning that it is a good thing.  I am learning that God’s grace is made perfect in my weakness.  I am learning that the sufficiency is not in me but in Him.  I am learning that His grace is enough.  These are not always easy lessons for a self-suffciency leaning preacher; but like Paul I am learning to boast and even rejoice in my weaknesses so that the power and wisdom of Christ might rest upon me. 

So, the next time you ask me, “How are you doing?”  Don’t be surpised if you hear that Christ is being formed in me, and that I am learning (slowly) to be content with hardships, weaknesses, and the unknown.  When I am weak, then He is strong.  When I am stuggling, then He perseveres.  When I lack understanding, then is His wisdom is all the more precious. 

By the way, “How are you doing?”

This morning the men had a most encouraging time discussing sanctification and  we soon arrived at the topic of marriage and the role it plays in our spiritual growth.  As we talked about the weight, the responsibility and the challenges we face as it relates to leading our homes, we were able to see areas where we fall  short and need much work.  But we were also encouraged by some of the evidences of grace we see in our marriages, however small they might seem.  It was a good reminder that sanctification is a process and that perfection, although we strive for it, we will not have the pleasure of seeing in this life.

In Philippians 2 Paul exhorts us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.  What  a weighty task and how impossible it seems.  It was evident from our discussion this morning that to seek to live lives that honor God all the time and seek to serve and do good all the time, would cause anyone to despair at the prospect of living such a life.  Oh, but how gracious a God we serve when Paul says in verse 13, ”For it is God who works in you to will and to work for His good pleasure.”  What a glorious truth; anything good we are able to do, only comes from the fact that God is giving us the will and the ability to do it.  So, although I may feel some of the weight, work as though it was I and feel the impossibility of the task; take heart, be comforted that it is God who is lifting, it is His power, He is doing all the work, He will finish what He started and it pleases Him to do so.

Are you struggling with a weight today?  Does the process of sanctification seem too difficult?  Well then stop trusting in your work and trust in the God who began  the work and who will be faithful in bringing it to completion.